He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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