He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
