I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
