I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
