is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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