That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
