You smell like stripper and shame
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
