my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize