I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
