hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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