Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
