maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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