I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize