you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
