I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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