corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
