Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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