omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
