meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
