South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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