Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
