You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
