Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
