Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize