i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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