Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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