her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
