I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
