Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
