grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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