i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
