i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
