Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
