i can't believe i had my finger in that
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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