I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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