Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
