I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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