He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
