Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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