I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How external is "for external use only"?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
