I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
