can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
