I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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