Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize