Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
