I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
