Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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