I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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