We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
