i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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