you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
