do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
