PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
