My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize