At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Acid is not a monday night drug
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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