No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize