I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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