Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
