i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
