Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
