College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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