Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
