U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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