Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
