i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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