my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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