Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
