Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
