i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
do nipples grow back?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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