Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
