he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
