We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize