What a fucking waste of an outfit
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
