I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
