The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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