in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
