ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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