Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
