Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
