WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
