The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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