Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
