I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
