Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
