question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
