census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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