I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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