it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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