WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
