last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize