TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
