well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
