That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize