I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
