i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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