Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
