I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So many bounce houses so little time
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I fill condoms, not promises.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
